TheoloJeep

A calling pursued through mercy, failure, and faithfulness

I was saved at fifteen years old.

I grew up around the church. I knew the language. I knew the stories. I knew how to behave. And by God’s grace, I came to know Christ—not just as an idea, but as Savior. The foundation of faith was laid early, and it was strengthened through years in a Christian school where Scripture was not an accessory but a framework for life.

And yet, for much of my life, I was near the church without truly being part of it.

I believed the truth. I respected the truth. I was never afraid of the truth.

But for a long time, I was lukewarm about living in it.

I wanted more. I sensed that God was calling me toward something deeper—toward service, teaching, obedience. But that desire was often smothered. Sometimes by fear. Sometimes by my own sin. Sometimes by Satan’s steady whisper that I was unqualified, unworthy, or better off staying quiet.

At one point, even a former pastor discouraged the thought that God might use me in any meaningful way. And rather than testing that counsel against Scripture, I accepted it as confirmation of my doubts.

So I stayed stalled.

I failed as a husband in ways I regret.
I failed as a father in moments I cannot undo.
I failed as a follower of Christ—not in belief, but in obedience.

I was not rebellious—but I was passive.
Not hostile to holiness—but slow to pursue it.

“Because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”
— Revelation 3:16

That was not written to unbelievers.
That was written to people like me.

And yet—Christ did not abandon me.

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Awakened by Grace, Not Guilt

What God began in my youth, He refused to abandon in my adulthood.

The call did not come all at once. It came slowly. Patiently. Relentlessly.

I found myself drawn back to Scripture—not casually, but hungrily. The Word no longer merely informed me; it confronted me. It exposed areas of compromise and called me toward repentance and obedience.

“For the word of God is living and active… discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
— Hebrews 4:12

I could no longer be content knowing the truth without submitting to it.

I began teaching—not because I felt ready, but because I could no longer stay silent.

“We cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.”
— Acts 4:20

And still, I hesitated.

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A Call That Would Not Let Me Hide

Ordination was never something I chased.

If anything, I spent years trying to avoid it.

Not because I didn’t love the church. Not because I didn’t love Scripture. And certainly not because I didn’t feel the weight of shepherding souls. I avoided ordination because I understood—at least in part—what it actually meant.

“Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”
— James 3:1

Ordination is not a platform.
It’s not a title.
It’s not validation.

It is a public recognition of a private calling—and a sober declaration that a man is setting his life apart for the care of Christ’s people.

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Formed in a House That Made Room to Grow

One of the great graces God gave me along this road was a pastor who did not rush me—but did not let me hide either.

He fostered an atmosphere where men were expected to grow in Christ, not merely attend church. Scripture was central. Doctrine mattered. Repentance was normal.

“What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.”
— 2 Timothy 2:2

There was room to ask hard questions.
Room to wrestle.
Room to be sharpened.

But there was never room to bury a calling.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
— Proverbs 27:17

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Prayed Into the Pulpit

At the same time, God was working far closer to home.

Long before I ever said out loud that I was called to preach, my wife was already praying that I would stop running from it.

She never pushed from pride—but she never permitted retreat into fear either.

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.”
— Proverbs 12:4

I do not step into ordination alone.
I step into it prayed for.

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Shaped by Pain, Not Prestige

God did not prepare me for ministry through ease. He prepared me through suffering.

Through burying a son.
Through brokenness.
Through loss that stripped away shallow faith.

“That was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”
— 2 Corinthians 1:9

God does not call the unscarred—He calls the faithful.

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A Beginning, Not a Capstone

I don’t take this lightly.

If God allows me to serve His church for the rest of my days, I pray it will be said—not that I was impressive, but that I was faithful.

“Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.”
— 1 Corinthians 4:2

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A Prayer of Gratitude and Submission

Gracious Father,

I thank You for saving me when I was young, for holding me when I was wandering, and for never letting go when I was lukewarm, fearful, or slow to obey. You have been faithful even when I was not.

I confess my sins—my passivity, my pride, my failures as a husband, a father, and a follower of Christ. I bring no righteousness of my own. I stand only in the righteousness of Jesus Christ.

If You are pleased to entrust me with the preaching of Your Word and the care of Your people, grant me humility, courage, patience, and endurance.

Keep me from loving comfort more than obedience, approval more than faithfulness, or ministry more than Christ Himself.

May my life proclaim what my lips preach.
May my character never contradict Your gospel.
And may I, by Your grace, be found faithful.

Amen.